running without breaking a sweat

i like to run. no, not physically - but socially i like to go at a running pace. to say i like to stay busy, might be an understatement. i think if i'd grown up with the desire to work something specific, i'd have chosen something time consuming like law or medicine. i'd work until i drop. i'd invest my all, then sleep an hour, and give more. so it doesn't surprise me much that that's how i want to do ministry. i want something that fills my time. that requires constant maneuvering of schedules to fit in as much as possible. i want something that demands my attention because it's important. my dream job, at least for now, is something that will require me to rely so heavily on God that I can't do anything else but fall into his arms every morning. right now, i get to stroll to work. if i'm late, no one notices, cause most days i'm the first in my office area. while there are stressful days with deadlines, they are too far and few between. i want to jump out of my comfort zone. i want to be challenged every day. i have so much passion, so much energy, so much excitement and i want to spend it. without something to spend it on, the passion, the energy, the excitement evaporate. i'm not really sure where they go, but they take my desire to buy groceries, do laundry, make a phone call, or respond to an email with them. i'm not good at setting schedules for myself unless there is so little time that i'm forced to crunch everything and meet it on a run. which, is why i say i like running.

oh quiet town of Mosbach

i've been in mosbach a full month and one day. and just like i like to, i've kept busy. i'd always imagined the time after my ships experience to be, well to be honest i thought it'd be pretty horrible. to say i loved ships life is an understatement. so i could only conclude that anything post-Doulos would be a dissapointment. but that's not the word i would use to describe my time in mosbach at all. not only did i get to spend three full weeks with three of my closest friends, i survived when they all went back home.
i've never been good with silence. as a kid i'm pretty sure i just tried to make more noise the quieter it got around me. random noises, long conversations, reading stories (out loud of course), talking to myself (when i was upset and thought no one else was around) and dramatically acting out stories in my backyard with friends were all ways i fought the silence. at the time i didnt think i was wrong to do those things; and i still dont think i was wrong. but i have learned that i can also enjoy a photowalk by myself. i refuse to take my ipod, because i might hear something i want to take a picture of. i refuse to take someone with me, because i dont want to have to worry about walking too slowly or being a dork for taking a picture of another textured wall. i choose to be alone.
i'm still filling my time here in mosbach. for one day i planned to visit two different friends' homes, go to the movies with another two friends, spend quality time with another friend, and amidst all of this i made time to take my photowalk. as i was walking back to where i've been sleeping, i realized that if i hadn't filled my day with other places to go and be, that i probably wouldn't have gone on the photowalk either. i would have felt demotivated or sad. and i would have wasted the beautiful day that it was.
the busier i am, the more i get done. maybe that's a 'duh' statement, but for me it rings so true. give me a day with nothing planned, no pressing deadlines, no demanding tasks and i waste it away watching tv or movies, sleeping in or bumming on the internet. but give me a day where i'm supposed to be in three places at once and juggle multitasking to get things done, and i'll do it. and then some. i'll stay up till 1am to talk to a friend. i'll get up at 6am to talk to a friend. i'll spend more time reading my bible. and more time journaling. i'll stay up late reading a good book. i'll take time to appreciate a moment of silence.
i just never thought i'd be able to keep busy in a small town like mosbach, but i guess i'm learning otherwise. thankfully.

a very long time ago i was hesitant to start this blog in the first place because of this very reason. that i would simply fail at maintaining it. and i have. obviously, blatantly, and sadly enough. and once i fail at something i try to avoid it. i don't want the reminder of what i've done poorly. yet for some reason after 584 days of silence i am speaking again. maybe not because i have something heroic, dramatic, or insightful to share, but because i don't want to be afraid of my misakes anymore. and an empty, long ago started blog is a mistake. not a big one or a life changing one, but a sad one. but rather than let that stop me i am moving forward. today is a new start. today is a new beginning. how can i believe this if i don't act on it?

so no, i am not a failure despite my mistakes. because while i have failed at maintaining this blog i have succeeded in so much more during those same 584 filled-with-adventure days.

-i have travled to unknown places, including 10 new countries, 2 new continents, and countless cities.

- i have met amazing people from around the world and built lasting friendships

- i have sailed on a ship with a crew of 350 people on a ship that is 95 years old

- i have not been afraid to try foreign foods, including kangaroo, dog, balut, spider, beetle, cockroach, mangoseed, and countless other items

- i have read through nearly the entire bible (and i plan to finish in the next few weeks)

- i have overcome my fear of heights several times, even if only for a moment

- i have worked with wirebrushes, featherers, hammers, ropes, wood, rust, metal, knots, dirt, anchors, mooring lines, bosun chairs, paint, scrapers, tanks, crawl spaces, cement, and other items most of which were new challenges for me

- i have kept in touch with the people that were important to me; even when it proved very difficult to do

- i have made mistakes, friends, adventures, meals, presents, and lots of random fun

- the most important thing i have done is learn so much more about myself, my faith, my past, my strengths, my ambitions, my motives, and what is important to me

and right now, continuing with this blog is important to me. so here's to new beginnings.